In a profession built on advocacy and persuasion, it can be easy to lose sight of a simple truth: how we practice law matters just as much as the outcomes we achieve. Civility is not an accessory to professionalism. It is one of its core pillars.

In recent years, many of us have felt a shift in tone – inside courtrooms, in written submissions, and increasingly in public forums. The pace of practice has accelerated. Stakes feel higher. Tempers flare more quickly. Too often, incivility is excused as zealous advocacy.

It should not be.

What concerns me the most is not a single exchange or moment, but the broader signal we send when incivility becomes normalized. Tone shapes culture. And culture, over time, defines a profession. The tone we set today is not just about how cases are litigated – it is about what the next generation learns to accept as normal. Long before lawyers lead, they observe. And the standards they absorb will shape the profession long after individual disputes are forgotten. Incivility rarely announces itself as a problem. It creeps in through habits, shortcuts, and rationalizations, and before long, it begins to feel ordinary. That is when real damage occurs.

Civility and Zealous Advocacy are Not Opposites

Clients will sometimes say they want their lawyer to be “aggressive” or a “bulldog.” I have heard it countless times. I have never liked that framing, not because I lack commitment to zealous advocacy—I am always a zealous advocate—but because the premise itself is shallow and ultimately wrong.

Clients do not need bluster. They need judgment. They need credibility. They need a lawyer who knows when to push, when to listen, and when restraint is the most effective strategy. Aggression untethered from purpose is not strength; it is noise. When it becomes normalized, it undermines public trust and reflects poorly not only on individual lawyers, but on our profession as a whole.

What makes this more concerning is that this language has increasingly migrated from client expectations into lawyer branding itself. Some practitioners openly market themselves as “aggressive” or “bulldogs,” as though hostility and bluster were substitutes for judgment and strategy. Branding that leans on caricature may attract attention, but it does little to convey the seriousness, discipline, and credibility that effective advocacy actually requires.

The most effective advocacy I have seen throughout my career has rarely been the loudest. It has been disciplined, prepared, and intentional. Judges are persuaded by clarity and credibility, not theatrics. Clients are ultimately best served by lawyers who understand that strategy, not spectacle, wins cases.
 
Civility as a Professional Obligation

Our ethical rules and professional standards reflect a fundamental understanding: the legal system depends on trust. Judges must trust lawyers. Lawyers must trust judges. Clients must trust their counsel. And the public must trust the judicial system as a whole. Civility is the connective tissue that makes that trust possible.

That obligation does not run in only one direction. The tone set by lawyers matters, and so does the tone set from the bench. Clients are watching both. Respectful, measured engagement strengthens confidence in the process for everyone involved.

When lawyers resort to personal attacks, needless hostility, or scorched-earth tactics divorced from the merits, something larger is damaged. The dispute may continue, but confidence in the judicial system erodes.
Civility does not mean avoiding hard conversations. It means having them with purpose and respect. It does not mean conceding ground. It means choosing conduct that advances your client’s interests without undermining the integrity of the process.

A Simple Standard

In my office, I have a framed print by graphic artist Anthony Burrell that reads: Work Hard and Be Nice to People. It is not a legal maxim, but it might be one of the best professional guideposts I know. It captures something fundamental about this profession – that excellence and decency are not competing values. They are complementary ones.
Working hard is expected. Being prepared is required. But how we treat people along the way—opposing counsel, court staff, clients, and one another —is what ultimately defines us as professionals.
 
The Role of Bar Associations

This is where bar associations matter—perhaps now more than ever.
Organizations like the Westchester County Bar Association exist not only to provide education and networking, but to set standards. To model professionalism. To remind us of who we are and what this profession stands for.

Through mentoring, bench-bar dialogue, continuing education, and community engagement, we have a responsibility to reinforce that civility is not outdated or optional—it is essential. It is what distinguishes principled advocacy from noise, and leadership from theatrics.
Strength, Not Softness

There is a persistent misconception that civility requires dialing down conviction. The opposite is true. Civility should never be mistaken for weakness. In this profession, restraint is often the clearest sign of strength.
Civility requires confidence. It requires knowing that your position can stand on its merits without theatrics. It requires discipline—the ability to respond rather than react.
The lawyers who command the most respect are rarely the loudest in the room. They are prepared, measured, and intentional. They understand that professionalism is a long game, and that reputations are built interaction by interaction.

Choosing the Profession We Want

Every generation of lawyers inherits a profession shaped by those who came before—and leaves its own imprint in turn. We get to decide what that imprint will be.

Will we normalize hostility, or model respect?

Will we confuse aggression with effectiveness, or recognize that civility is often the sharper tool?

Will we leave behind a profession defined by short-term victories, or one anchored in credibility, trust, and honor?

Civility does not happen by accident. It is a choice – made repeatedly, often in difficult moments, sometimes when it would be easier to do otherwise.

As lawyers, and as members of a profession larger than any single case or client, we owe it to one another, and to the public we serve, to choose it.